In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
