We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
