I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it's like iHOP with fire
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
