he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
