u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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