Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Whoa Z and x make the same sound

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(757): View more from Virginia

He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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(404): View more from Georgia

i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.

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(585): View more from New York

S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.

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(713): View more from Texas

No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"

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(309): View more from Illinois

We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??

(901): View more from Tennessee

This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said

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