my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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