Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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