Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
