I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
