I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
