you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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