I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's the barista slut.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize