I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
