TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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