dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
