Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
