you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
