I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
