so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
