if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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