I want to make a zoo with you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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