If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize