he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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