Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
