My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
