East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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