I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
