I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
