I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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