And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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