he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
