Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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