just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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