let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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