I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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