When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
