Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
