he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
