college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize