I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
