She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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