DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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