He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
