You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
