You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize