he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
