Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
