She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
