Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
