Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
