Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
