where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
