He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
