dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
