im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize