We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
