guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
