So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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