Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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