I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
