I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
