Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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