i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
