No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
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I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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