Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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