We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
