How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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